Friday, April 17, 2015

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

There are loads of groups and pages that I follow on Facebook, but my favourite is Berlin Artparasites – I literally share at least one of the posts from the page daily.

Last night I read a post that was submitted anonymously. While reading it, it was as if all the feelings I am unable express had been put into words – by a complete stranger. I read it over and over again – How amazing it is to think that there is someone out there who understands me, and how I feel.  It was awesome to feel understood, even if I will never know the author of these words – I know I am not alone.

I am re-posting, and omitting a paragraph, but you can see the original post here.

Painting by Chloe Early via Berlin Art Parasites 
“There’s only one thing worse than wanting someone, and that’s needing someone. It’s when you batter and bruise and break yourself just so that you can mould yourself into being theirs. All the while tricking yourself into believing that it’s still good and wholesome and for the best, because this is what you WANT. Compromise is good and healthy, but too much compromise and you end up betraying yourself just so you can have them. And the most painful part is knowing that a few months ago, when you first met them, when everything was unblemished and naturally perfect, there was no concealing the bad. There was no bad. No one had hurt the other. The question is, how many times do you forgive under the name of love?
If I saw another person in my shoes, I’d tell them to walk away, to respect themselves, to make their mother proud. But perhaps I wouldn't know the full story if I was an outsider looking in. An outsider wouldn't know how painfully and impossibly in love with you I am. An outsider wouldn't know that I find it impossible to let go of any good that’s ever happened in my life, impossible to end chapters in my life. And if the chapters are ended forcefully, I’ll torture my mind by living through every single happy moment again and again and again and again.
I like being yours. Although even there I am doubtful. I feel inadequate, which I hate. It leads me to think I've changed. I would have spat in the face of anyone who felt inferior in some way to another person, told them they were a miracle just for being them, and if no one liked the look of them then they just shouldn't look. Because I know we are all superb creatures.
So why do I feel constantly…lacking? Not interesting enough, not clever enough, no way NEAR beautiful enough for you, blah blah blah. It makes me angry. How can my mind possibly be so conflicted? I know that exterior beauty is a sham endorsed by capitalism and advocated by stupid people. But I also hate myself. It hurts, feels as though my brain might tear in half. I love you. I want you. I want to be yours. But I resent that. No one should want that after what you put me through. After hearing what you said. I’m scared. Scared of just how much I’m willing to sacrifice to be with you, would I know when to stop? And most of all I’m scared that if you ever saw this you’d leave me, again. I can’t do it, when you leave me. I’m ashamed of that fact. But when you leave me, I die.”
I hope you have a Happy Weekend friends!

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Holiday in Pictures - England March 2015

I am finally uploading a few of my pics from my recent trip to England.

Spring Blossoms

Black and White

I went over to celebrate my sister-in-law, Tabitha's 40th birthday, which took place in a yurt in the garden at their home in Itchen Abbass.

The evening started with champagne and canapes served by bare butt butlers, followed by the most delicious dinner. Tabs owned the dance floor for the rest of the night.

 I enjoyed a pub lunch with my brother and my niece at one of the local pubs, The Bush Inn.

Betsey enjoying her morning hot chocolate at the Lavender Barn.

Lunch at Sumosan. Definitely the one of the most experimental meals I have ever eaten.

Dinner at Kurobuta - what a wonderful experience... We ate far too much, but it was totally worth it!
The most delicious, unique flavours enjoyed over an array of tappas-like dishes.

It is quite possible that I had even more fun at Little Funky Art Club than Betsey.
What a wonderful concept.

Traditional morning hot chocolate - loccie - after art class with Betsey in Winchester.

These Highland Cows blew my mind - they are monstrous!
They are so grunge circa 1990.

BB the ballerina.
There are few things more fun than watching small children doing ballet. There is something about the total lack of grace and structure that makes my heart smile. 

Anthropologie Gallery at 139 Kings road - Robert Bradford.

The tastiest toasted sandwich at Colbert, Sloane Square.

Yes, it's a place.

Dover Street Market Pop Up.
Working in the fashion industry, in such a conservative, price sensitive market can be creatively stifling, so it was really inspiring to see ranges where designers are pushing the boundaries of the conventional norm. 

Out and about in London before the show.

Having read all of Roald Dahl's books as a child I was super excited to go and watch the musical Matilda at the Cambridge Theatre.

One of the biggest highlights of my trip was seeing the Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Mueseum. I caught the train into London early one morning, and braved the cold as I waited in a queue in the hope of being one of the lucky few to get one of only 200 tickets released daily for this extremely popular exhibition. 
No words can describe how amazing it was - Life Changing.
Unfortunately I was not allowed to take any pictures - But I splurged on the exhibition catalogue - totally worth it!
I wrote a post about Alexander McQueen, after his death  here.
What an amazing mind.
I feel very privileged to have seen some of his work in person.

Country Living 

I had a wonderful time - It was so nice to get away, and awesome to spend time with my family.

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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Adam's Apple

It has been two weeks and I still can't get enough of this song.
I am taking things a step further, by sharing a combination of two of my favourite things.
Just when I thought I couldn't love this song, or this show any more, they went and put the two together.

I can't quite pin point what it is about this scene that speaks to me...
Perhaps it is the soundtrack.
Perhaps it is my love of Adam's character.
Or the sadness I feel watching him, an alcoholic in recovery, drinking.
Maybe it's the colours.
Maybe it's the dancing.
Or the way they look so in love.

I am not sure if the why is even that important.

I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I do.