Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Now & Then

My last post is one I have been meaning to put up since last year (sounds like it was ages ago) –  so in my mind this is officially my first post of 2013...

Last year was a battle for me, and I know I was not the only one. I thought about how relieved I would be when the year finally came to an end – and when it did, I felt nothing but panic. How silly it is to assume that when the calendar rolls over, everything will be different - All the problems of the past year will dissolve, any challenges will be overcome, all the fears that have not been faced will disappear… In fact, a new year is even more frightening. Besides all the issues that resurface once the confetti settles, the New Year will indefinitely bring with it new difficulties. You see, you take an imaginary leap from what you are familiar with, however awful it may be, to the unknown. Uncertainty; not knowing, that is terrifying.

Three panic attacks later, I managed to get out of bed. The world still looked the same. I still had the same anxieties to deal with that I had had before the clock struck 12 the night before. Even worse, these troubles appeared magnified, and seemed to warrant more attention, it is after all, a year later.

However, by some bizarre mind association, I felt better ready to solve my problems, to conquer the challenges, and to finally face my fears...The time it will take is uncertain.

Honestly, I am still petrified about what else may lie ahead, but was reminded of a quote from Corrie ten Boom, “Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength”, and I need all my strength to deal with the known, instead of wasting it on the unknown.

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