Wednesday, October 5, 2016

To plan, or not to plan

On my last birthday I was asked if I had achieved all I had hoped to, at this stage.
I spent a bit of time thinking back on all the plans I had for my life, and what I had hoped to achieve by this stage. Honestly, I have to admit, that life has not really gone as I had planned.

I am a planner; a list writer; a goal setter.
Spontaneity is a little out of my comfort zone – and often causes more anxiety than I believe it is worth. However, I get just as anxious if my plans don’t go as intended, or if I don’t manage to complete my goals within the set timelines.

I never did get around to doing that sky dive before I turned 30.
I have not yet learned to play the cello.
And I haven’t even started my novel.

I completed a degree.
I attended classes, and enjoyed my subjects. I struggled through one, but I did my best. It took me a little longer than planned, to complete my degree, but I did. And I am proud of my achievement.

I planned on marrying my high school boyfriend.
We were together for eleven years, which I guess to some degree is longer than most marriages last these days.
Natural progression would have lead to us having children – He wanted three.
Instead we lived together for 2 years, and broke up shortly after I had to move back home due to financial difficulties.

If things had gone according to plan, I would have advanced in my career, and would be earning a massive salary.
Instead I had been retrenched three times before I turned 30.

I fell in love, again. I dreamed of marriage, and a little girl I would call Mia.
I no longer had my life packed in boxes.
I had a home I was proud of. I was a girlfriend I was proud of.

Three years later I wasn’t married, and I didn’t have a beautiful little girl called Mia.
Instead I packed up my life again.
And once again, all of me was covered in dust in my mom’s garage.

I decided I needed a home of my own, and 6 months later, I had just that.
This was a long term plan, which happened sooner than expected.
My home is my happy place – filled with all the things that spent some time in darkness, just like I did.

But I am proud of all that I have achieved at this stage.
And I look forward to accomplishing so much more.
Looking back, and thinking of all the plans I had, I have to conclude that despite my best intentions, some things just can’t be planned.


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