To plan, or not to plan

Bitching Menswear

On my last birthday I was asked if I had achieved all I had hoped to, at this stage.

I spent a bit of time thinking back on all the plans I had for my life, and what I had hoped to achieve by this stage. Honestly, I have to admit, that life has not really gone as I had planned.

I am a planner; a list writer; a goal setter.
Spontaneity is a little out of my comfort zone – and often causes more anxiety than I believe it is worth. However, I get just as anxious if my plans don’t go as intended, or if I don’t manage to complete my goals within the set timelines.

I never did get around to doing that sky dive before I turned 30.
I have not yet learned to play the cello.
And I haven’t even started my novel.

I completed a degree.
I attended classes, and enjoyed my subjects. I struggled through one, but I did my best. It took me a little longer than planned, to complete my degree, but I did. And I am proud of my achievement.

I planned on marrying my high school boyfriend.
We were together for eleven years, which I guess to some degree is longer than most marriages last these days.
Natural progression would have lead to us having children – He wanted three.

Instead we lived together for 2 years, and broke up shortly after I had to move back home due to financial difficulties.

If things had gone according to plan, I would have advanced in my career, and would be earning a massive salary.
Instead I had been retrenched three times before I turned 30.

flickr

I fell in love, again. I dreamed of marriage, and a little girl I would call Mia.
I no longer had my life packed in boxes.
I had a home I was proud of. I was a girlfriend I was proud of.

Three years later I wasn’t married, and I didn’t have a beautiful little girl called Mia.
Instead I packed up my life again.
And once again, all of me was covered in dust in my mom’s garage.

I decided I needed a home of my own, and 6 months later, I had just that.
This was a long term plan, which happened sooner than expected.
My home is my happy place – filled with all the things that spent some time in darkness, just like I did.

But I am proud of all that I have achieved at this stage.
And I look forward to accomplishing so much more.
Looking back, and thinking of all the plans I had, I have to conclude that despite my best intentions, some things just can’t be planned.

xx

Monday Musing

You’re packing up your sleeping bag,

Your lantern and your tent,

And you’re off to find the life you lost,

But you aren’t sure where it went.

And I hope those mountains teach you,

How to stand both tall and proud,

That you see your life much clearer,

With your head above the cloud.

I hope you swim through rivers,

With their currents swift and fast,

That they show you must be careful,

When you wash away your past.

I hope that you are humbled,

By the vastness of the sea,

That the eagles high above you,

Make you feel like your free.

I hope when night has fallen,

And your fire’s just a spark,

The stars shine to remind you,

That there’s beauty in the dark.

But most of all I’m hoping,

That you’re learning while you roam,

That no matter the distance,

You can always come home

e.h.

xx

Monday Musing

The Original Be Wild and Wonder Co.

xx

My Monday Musing

Let’s talk about postmodernism, the subjectivism of the world today. Let’s discuss our truths that lead us to believe in our facts. There is more than one way of knowing, and knowledge is expressed from our own perspective – let’s agree that this world, our knowledge, and to a large degree, even facts all come with a degree of uncertainty.

Let’s explore art galleries the world over. I want you to tell me how you really feel when you look at Matisse’s Yellow Curtain. Let’s debate the influence of van Gogh’s mental illness on his paintings. Did his art console him, as he intended art to console those who are broken by life?
Let’s compare Klimt’s Golden Phase to the changing leaves on an autumn afternoon.

Let’s talk about the way you can hear Yo Yo Ma’s discipline in the way he plays the cello. Let’s compare that to the fluidity and passion I can hear when Jacqueline du Pré plays the same piece of music. Encourage me to play the cello. Let’s discuss the lyrics of all our favourite songs, and what they mean to us.

Tell me how you carry my heart with you, that you carry it in your heart. Let’s talk about the controversial poetry of E.E. Cummings, let’s talk about prejudice. Let us not judge. I want you to notice how, like Maya Angelou, I rise. I want you to know that my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine. Let’s remind each other that the Earth and everything that's in it, is ours.

Let’s talk about Mikhail Baryshnikov, Vaslav Nijinsky and Rudolf Nureyev. Tell me who the Critics Circle National Dance Awards has cited as the greatest names in contemporary ballet. Let’s watch and afterwards discuss Marianela Nuñez’s performance as the Black Swan.

But let’s never talk about me being unable to discuss anything real. These things are as real to me as the Rose Quarts and Serenity colours of the sunset.

xx

Monday Musing

xx

Super Sweet 16

For the first time in as long as I can remember I am feeling really positive about the year ahead. The first day of 2016 was not filled with the usual anxiety I experience, as I contemplate all of the unknowns that lie ahead.

Looking back, it always seemed that despite trying to be positive that the year ahead would be better than the one that preceded it, there was loads more that life could throw at me. It seems that I needed to be taught certain lessons more than once.

I have no doubt that there are still many things that I need to learn, and challenges I need to overcome, but for some reason I feel better equipped.

Last year I faced some challenges. As a result, I spent a lot of time reflecting, and despite the discomfort, learning and growing from them. As I type this, I feel stronger as a person. I had to learn how strong I could be. I feel more independent, and less afraid of being alone. I enjoy my own company. I am more secure in myself. I have a better understanding of how lucky I am to have been blessed with amazing family and friends. I truly experienced the unconditional love of my mother, and the realisation that she literally is always here for me.

Reflecting on my resolutions for 2015, I am proud to say that I have come a long way in learning to love myself. I have worried a lot less and I managed to de-clutter many aspects of my life. Admittedly, I could have been kinder to my body, and of course there is always room to do more of what one loves… But it is a new year, and I will continue to work towards the same goals I set out to achieve at the beginning of last year.

Wishing all of you a Super Sweet 16!

xx

Relationship or Relationshit

Morning Sex and Lattes

I occasionally read cheesy articles that give you tips on survival in the various elements of life - sometimes I find one or two points that make sense, or that I agree with, but this morning I somehow ended up reading the below article via some link or another, and I really agree with all of the points.

I guess it really is logic.

We live in a time where relationships are have become dispensable. People are no longer as committed as they once were. We are too focused on instant gratification, and are not willing to forgo any form of short-term discomfort, in order to reap long-term rewards. It is quite sad actually. 

Despite the statistics, and the obvious evidence, I choose to remain hopeful.
I believe that long term relationships and love are possible... Not to say it is always easy. I think that one needs to work at the different aspects of any relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic.

12 Commandments Of Happy, Long-Lasting Relationships

By Charles J. Orlando

When it comes to creating successful relationships, you need certain critical traits in place. Traits not just merely "present," but existing in a real and genuine way that emanates from each partner through their own want (not because someone is complaining). The moment "give and take" becomes forced, resentment and disconnection surface and your relationship suffers.

To create a successful relationship that truly lasts, here's what every couple needs:

1. Acceptance. Too many people talk about tolerance, but great couples don't "tolerate" each other's quirks and differences -- they accept them. They celebrate their similarities AND their unique differences. They recognize that if you can find someone who addresses 60 percent of your wants and needs, you're truly lucky/blessed. Acceptance makes you and your partner both feel safe to share your true selves. You don't fear judgment, because you aren't being judged.

2. Honesty and trust. Being honest is mostly an individual decision, based on self-worth, self-confidence, and knowing you/your actions are accepted -- even with flaws and mistakes. Trust follows when each person has undeniable faith that they can believe the other person -unequivocally.

3. Respect. Many people confuse attention with respect. Attention is great, and it shows love, desire, connection, and passion. Respect is a deeper level of connection, where you value the person at an innate level, without the promise of reciprocation.

4. Loyalty. In today's temporary relationship-driven society, loyalty has largely turned situational -meaning that many people have only become as loyal as their current wants, needs, desires and opportunities. With acceptance, honesty, trust and respect in place, loyalty is largely automatic. If your partner feels attracted to someone else, experiences a level of disconnection, or has a change of heart -- it is discussed -- openly and honestly.

5. Staying present. Technology is ever-present in our world -- and it transfers to our relationships. Mobile devices, social media, and technology overall makes it easy to mentally check out from where you are and who you're with physically. Successful couples recognize that technology is a tool for their individual and joint use, but it doesn't disconnect them from their relationship.

6. Affection and passion. Everyone wants to feel loved, and sustaining physical connection is a big part of that. Whether together two months or 20 years, the little things like holding hands, shoulder touches, and sitting together make a very big difference. A healthy sex life is the extension of that affection, helping you and your partner maintain a connection level that is simultaneously physical, mental, and emotional. 

7. Humor. Laughter makes everyone smile, feels great, and works like magic to build, maintain, or restore balance (and attraction) in your relationship. Whether it's simply telling a joke, playfully teasing your partner, or enjoying a ridiculous conversation, humor builds a happy connection that transcends any individual or joint stress and keeps you enjoying each other's company.

8. Effective disagreements. Arguments in a relationship are normal. It's how you handle them and repair communication that makes your relationship last. Talking through issues with active listening (meaning: not just waiting to explain your own views, but rather, really listening to their side/experience and then offering empathy - regardless if you agree or not), being patient, and not judging allows both of you to maintain your opinion/views on the matter and still connect with one another. People in long-term relationships often have a choice: Being happy or being right. Hint:Happy is better!

9. Privacy. Today, there is an epidemic of over-sharing, and in relationships, this is often a death sentence. Bottom line: What happens in your relationship isn't for public consumption. It's none of anyone's business. Keeping things between you and your partner and excluding others from your inner-workings - to include kids, parents, friends, and strangers - is of paramount importance.

10. Maintaining your individuality. A successful relationship is made up of two individuals. Your partner still has interest in things they like, whether you're interested in them or not. Having your own lives outside the relationship not only contributes to each of you maintaining a sense of self-worth and self-esteem, but also gives you things, accomplishments, and interests to bring back to your relationship and share with your partner.

11. Support and sharing. Paying attention to your partner's activities - as well as sharing your own - keeps couples connected on a day-to-day basis. Lending opinion and insight, or just a compassionate ear when things get tough makes all the difference. When you care about and respect your partner, you want to know what they're doing and how you can help them achieve their goals - even if that means you see them less. Being invested in their lives is what contributes to you both people feeling valued.

12. Consideration and gratitude. The moment you're no longer grateful for your partner is the moment you start disconnecting, becoming complacent, and/or building resentment. Show consideration to and appreciation for your partner - just for being who they are. They, in turn, will feel grateful as well, and that's a great cycle to be in.

In reviewing these 12 tenets of great and lasting love, one thing becomes crystal clear: It's the little things that count most.

Trips and gifts are great, but it's the everyday behaviors that count more. Additionally, couples need to realize that a family is not the same as a marriage. Families need time to grow and stay connected, and a marriage is no different - but the marriage is between the couple, not everyone in the family.

A couple that takes time to do the things that made them fall in love in the first place will find themselves connected and happy long after the newness of the relationship has passed. A couple that thinks marriage is automatic and takes things for granted will likely find themselves in divorce court.

Article found here.

xx

Monday Musing

Pinterest

Pinterest

Have a Happy Monday, Friends!

xx

Monday Musing

Oh So Lovely Obsessions

Pinterest

The Glitter Guide

xx

Monday Musing

Three Rivers Deep

"When you find yourself drowning in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with who you are, and you internalised those messages and took them on as your truth. But that hate isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think badly of yourself, you can learn to think new, self-loving and accepting thoughts. You can learn to challenge those beliefs, take away their power, and reclaim your own. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen over night. But it is possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be more to life than this pain you feel. It starts when you decide that you deserve to discover it." 

- Daniell Koepke

Have a Happy Week!

xx

Monday Musing

The Artidote, painting by Sergio Mora

Unknown Source

xx

Monday Musing

 Unknown Source

Pinterest

xx

Monday Musing

Pinterest

“Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become reality.”
- Earl Nightingale

xx

Monday Musing

Pinterest

The Power of Our Words

Our words are our power tools. Each word we use initiates an act of creation and is a thread holding together a part of the fabric of our life. Take one word out of your vocabulary and all the creative power that that word contains evaporates from your life. Take the word "love" out, for example, and everything you understand, know, feel, and experience about "love" would no longer exist.

That's the power of one word.
- Caroline Myss

xx

Monday Musing

Berlin Artparasites 

Artwork by Alex Stoddard

Pinterest 

Berlin Artparasites

xx

Monday Musing

Oh So Lovely Obsessions

xx

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

There are loads of groups and pages that I follow on Facebook, but my favourite is Berlin Artparasites – I literally share at least one of the posts from the page daily.

Last night I read a post that was submitted anonymously. While reading it, it was as if all the feelings I am unable express had been put into words – by a complete stranger. I read it over and over again – How amazing it is to think that there is someone out there who understands me, and how I feel.  It was awesome to feel understood, even if I will never know the author of these words – I know I am not alone.

I am re-posting, and omitting a paragraph, but you can see the original post here.

Painting by Chloe Early via Berlin Art Parasites 

“There’s only one thing worse than wanting someone, and that’s needing someone. It’s when you batter and bruise and break yourself just so that you can mould yourself into being theirs. All the while tricking yourself into believing that it’s still good and wholesome and for the best, because this is what you WANT. Compromise is good and healthy, but too much compromise and you end up betraying yourself just so you can have them. And the most painful part is knowing that a few months ago, when you first met them, when everything was unblemished and naturally perfect, there was no concealing the bad. There was no bad. No one had hurt the other. The question is, how many times do you forgive under the name of love?

If I saw another person in my shoes, I’d tell them to walk away, to respect themselves, to make their mother proud. But perhaps I wouldn't know the full story if I was an outsider looking in. An outsider wouldn't know how painfully and impossibly in love with you I am. An outsider wouldn't know that I find it impossible to let go of any good that’s ever happened in my life, impossible to end chapters in my life. And if the chapters are ended forcefully, I’ll torture my mind by living through every single happy moment again and again and again and again.

I like being yours. Although even there I am doubtful. I feel inadequate, which I hate. It leads me to think I've changed. I would have spat in the face of anyone who felt inferior in some way to another person, told them they were a miracle just for being them, and if no one liked the look of them then they just shouldn't look. Because I know we are all superb creatures.

So why do I feel constantly…lacking? Not interesting enough, not clever enough, no way NEAR beautiful enough for you, blah blah blah. It makes me angry. How can my mind possibly be so conflicted? I know that exterior beauty is a sham endorsed by capitalism and advocated by stupid people. But I also hate myself. It hurts, feels as though my brain might tear in half. I love you. I want you. I want to be yours. But I resent that. No one should want that after what you put me through. After hearing what you said. I’m scared. Scared of just how much I’m willing to sacrifice to be with you, would I know when to stop? And most of all I’m scared that if you ever saw this you’d leave me, again. I can’t do it, when you leave me. I’m ashamed of that fact. But when you leave me, I die.”

I hope you have a Happy Weekend friends!

xx

Monday Musing

xx

Monday Musing

Pinterest , from Sara Winfield Art

Pinterest

I recently listened to Brene Brown's TED talk - The Power of Vulnerability. In her talk she speaks about vulnerability and how it is necessary in order to be fully connected. 

Being vulnerable is not comfortable, but it is necessary in order to truly live. Even though vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and the struggle for worthiness, it is also the birth place of joy, creativity, belonging and love. 

We have a tendency to try and numb vulnerability - But the problem with this is that one cannot selectively numb emotions. When we try and numb negative emotions, we end up numbing positive emotions too. You can therefore never enjoy positive emotions unless you embrace the negative ones too.

Believe that you are enough!

xxx

Monday Musing

Little Bits & Blogs

Pinterest

What a wonderful word - what a wonderful thing to be...

xxx